Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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