Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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