I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
