she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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