Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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