I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
