Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
