nut hugger
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
