Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
