I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
