i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize