kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
