wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
