Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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