Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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