he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
