Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
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Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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