When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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