I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
