I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
