...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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