you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
