I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
