I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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