Pappa wants mamma naked
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
