I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
this hospital has no fireball
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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