Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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