where am i from again
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
