Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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