I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
