I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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