I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
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Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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