Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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