Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
