Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
