Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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