I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
