xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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