Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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