Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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