I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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