The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
