I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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