Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
