Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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