i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
