I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
