Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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