just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
