i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
