I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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