U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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