i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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