Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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