Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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