My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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