Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
