I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
