I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
