He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?