I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.