dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How does it feel to date your dad?