maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.