Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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