i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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