turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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