Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
