Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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