It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
