so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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