I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
