Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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