OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
