i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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