As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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