You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
