bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
