Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Who died my cat blue again?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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