i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
