I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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