dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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