Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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