I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
