Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
