When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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