Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
