I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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