I skipped work to stalk him.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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