You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
