you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
